My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. They will do anything for the unborn. They should be more vivid. George Carlin > Quotes (?) Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Nobody seems to care. Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin, 35. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, Let the scarring begin.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin 2. If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Ever. Do not believe anything the government tells you - George Carlin , googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad(); In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. Because theres no money in that problem. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Yeah, I know, youre thinking. url = "https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/mobile/phone_images-9e9093f0cfddba8c2b1e815375d976a3.css"; Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. //]]> "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. The future will soon be a thing of the past. //George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads.com I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. My motto: Fuck Hope! George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. The only country that could invade America is America! Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? page: {requestId: "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", meaningful: "interactive"} If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. People are wonderful. Its a great feeling. I just dont have as many people who believe it.George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet?George Carlin. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. if(cookiePair[0] === name) { No money to be made off of the homeless. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. I've set my own rules to live by. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! Lists. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? }); return null; All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Laugh often, long and loud. var isRetina = window.devicePixelRatio >= 2; // retina display When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. 1. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? It will not be with jack-boots. for(var i=0; i If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. window.Mobvious.device_type = 'mobile'; A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. I sincerely believe that if you think theres a solution, youre part of the problem. Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, It turned out I was pretty good in science. } g.parentNode.insertBefore(A, g) "I have certain rules I live by. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. Comedian When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. 50 Motivational George Carlin Quotes For Success Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. The people are fucked." George Carlin tags: funny , humanity , humor 8709 likes Like If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. You have owners. Resources. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. var source = getCookieWithoutJQuery("source"); We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. " George Carlin Quotes "War will end when people stop showing up for it. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin } Electricity is really just organized lightning. //. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Cause pretty soon they have little hats. ! 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly So arrogant. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. Quote by George Carlin: "But there's a reason. There - Goodreads // googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); Aparently we're not ready for that! They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? It's a big club and you ain't in it. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. They own you. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. for(var i=0; i Who the fuck is going to invade the US? }, I think every day all children should have 3 hours of daydreaming. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. Hes not a cheese. 125 Best George Carlin QuotesFunny George Carlin Quotes on Life })(); 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. George Carlin quote: I have certain rules I live by. My - Lib Quotes Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. He loves you. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("author", [22782]); }, Feel free to reach out and connect. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. It will not be with jack-boots. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is considered one of the most influential comedians of all time. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin. And probably increase.George Carlin, And heres something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers arent answered. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14stand-up comedy specials on HBO taught us the power of words and how a person can use humor as a weapon. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.George Carlin, Theres no present. The upper class: keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. BAM! Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Stand-Up Comedy. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. He's the subject of a new documentary. The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. One of comedian George Carlin's more notable quotes, pointing out a reality of American life is, "It's a big club, and you ain't in it." His words are a simple commentary on the ruling. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. Enjoy! And, let me tell you, theres nothin like it. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. The people are f***ed. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. window.Mobvious = {}; googletag.pubads().enableAsyncRendering(); 4. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. 4994. Never argue with an idiot. Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Toothpicks?George Carlin, No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) var ue_sn = "www.goodreads.com"; But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? init: function() { Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. [CDATA[ Theres no present. They should be more vivid. Don't forget: YOU have the power to make ANYTHING happen. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); [.] George Carlin. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. } var sourcesToHideBuyFeatures = ["ebfg_gr", "ebfg_fb", "ebfg_fbm", "ebfg_tw", Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. Tax them. throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight LaughPlanet 900K subscribers Subscribe 42K 1.3M views 2 years ago #GeorgeCarlin #Comedy #America George Carlin Shitting on Government. Its disgusting, man. var googletag = googletag || {}; #government. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. Deal with it. George Carlin, One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Laugh often, long and loud. He was an American standup comedian. g = p.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. "ebfg_email", "ebfg_sms"]; George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life - Goalcast So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Best Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin | SComedy The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, 15. if (a[a9]) return; Inspirational George Carlin Quotes 1. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. I look at war a little. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you. I have certain rules I live by. url = "https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/mobile/phone_hd_images-2b89833762f600506d44865a33582d11.css"; I think that speaks for itself. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals.