But he can be a great dad regardless. I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her.. Yes! Ill also add that it needs to be understood that belittling interests and eye-rolling is not okay from the daughter either- if youre seeing it from her to him it needs to end now. From one mom to another. My Spouse Verbally and Emotionally Abuses Our Children Also, help them find a mutual interest. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. I love it. Maybe they both like pizza or Indian food or something; then Dad can take her out to dinner or cook with her. Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. I literally didnt know that the wonders of Classic Rock existed until I got to college. I thought Wendys first sentence was actually pretty snotty which surprised the heck out of me. Its great because its competitive but also forces cooperation (you need to trade for resources to gain points in the game). My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! Heck no! So maybe Mom here does need to let go, and open the daughter up to a better relationship with Dad. Im dying for new people to follow! As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. On the other side, my sister hates sports and has ZERO in common with my dad and I would say prefers my mom to him. lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. She and my dad didnt have much of a relationship, so she kind of looked to me to be her BFF, and I had a lot more in common with her. Then stress that it's not too late to re-engage with his with family, the solution lies with him. He's always putting him down. Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. I had the same experience at college! I promise, the daughter will remember and cherish the efforts. They loved the entire concept and they loved the show. Actually, my husbands a pretty big fanboy in general. I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. Its great to have an involved parent, but its also good to take a step back and take time for yourself and your marriage. He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. I wonder, though, if it would seem less like forcing if maybe the mother and father both liked to camp? She tells me what her favorite scent is, so I buy it for her for her birthday. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It. Shes pulling away because hes hypercritical of her AND their daughter. Listen, this dad sounds exactly like my dad when I was 12, down to insisting I be more competitive, and why cant I play sports, and so on. I guess all dads watch that Wow, you just brought back memories! The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Spyglassez 2 weeks later his wife tried killing him, leaving him in the hospital for 3 months. Maybe he can break out the old Van Halen or Metallica for her to listen to and you know, maybe she will just really like it. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. I would suggest planning outings for just your husband and your daughter maybe to an arcade, out to a movie, mini golf,etc so that they can spend time together by themselves. Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. How the States Got Their Shapes for one. Otherwise, how are kids going to learn tolaugh at themselves? Thanks temp! Regardless of your beliefs, from the facts laid out, he is not an involved father. We garden and cook together, and sometimes share favorite TV shows. lets_be_honest I would have been crushed if he rolled his eyes when I was excitedly talking about something. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. We were never close because by the time I was a teenager, I felt like I couldnt be my own person around him and like I was always walking on eggshells so as not to pick the wrong activity to occupy myself with. He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. What is this site, a Masters program? Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. Just because FOX cancelled Firefly doesnt mean its not awesome anymore. However, now as an adult, he appreciates my intelligence and how much thought and research I put into topics, even if we dont agree. Is there a middle ground? The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 89 Take Them All Away . My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). Perhaps the dad needs his own assignments on theater, literature and pop culture? i ask my son to pay 250.00 a month to pay car insurance and cell phone. Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. painted_lady Absolutely Dad! But it isnt you guys against him. My dad tried to practice volleyball with me even though I was awful, but I wouldnt call that trying to force me to like it. Really not sure why I waited so long. Jordan was my fave back in the day. He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. If youre finding that your husband and daughter dont seem to be getting along, it can be a difficult situation to deal with. And like I said above, I like the idea of assignments to widen your daughters horizons. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. That time was never truly enjoyable, no matter how much I enjoyed myself because I just wasnt compatible with his personality. Parents have rolled their eyes at teenage pop drek for generations. For starters, almost NONE of the things your daughter is a fangirl of are even vaguely STILL hot among her peers. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. Shes lashing out and pushing back because hes hurting her. Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. For the first time in my life, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to be at the stream, fishing pole in hand and waders on, to fly fish with my dad. 6napkinburger You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. Exposure to anything is great for children. Please implore him to realize that if one of your daughters peers was reacting similarly to her, the two of you would deplore that child as a Mean Kid. I see her occasionally, but she never stays long if her father is around. If you have any concerns that your husband is driving your daughter away, be sure to talk to him about it. I think you should take Wendys advice about showing interest in your husbands hobbies (hoping your daughter will take your lead), but you could also talk to your husband. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her. Hey, that kind of worked for me. And disparaging his daughters interests is the absolute wrong way to go about that. Older and (hopefully) wiser Make it easier for him to be his best self. Yeah, the letter makes me really concerned for their marriage. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? He said he wasnt hungry and why would I think hed want to eat after a rotten day? bittergaymark Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! My dad had a This Old House sweatshirt even! Why should your husband treat her that way?? I notice myself not racing to pick up my daughter from. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. I know my father and I did not share a lot of interests when I was growing up I read a lot and was introverted. July 2, 2013, 12:42 pm. Blow out the torches! Many things can contribute to this type of conflicts, such as personality clashes or differing parenting styles. July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. YUCK. I got a very different vibe from this. My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! He also occasionally went to movies with us. Well-said, courtney. Instead of, I want you to read this by this day, and then well have a talk, how about, I found this and thought it was interesting. I dont care if he thinks her shows are boring his wife and daughter deserve respect. 1. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? EL ESPIRITU DETRAS DE LA PUERTA - Facebook Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. My husband's daughter is coming to visit. And theyre relationship suffered because my dad never made an effort to step up and show interest in what he was interested in. Tell her how much he appreciates it. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. To care for our two young kids. Most certainly. Do you have any idea how thrilled he was? You dont have to be your daughters fellow geek and her best friend to have a good relationship. July 2, 2013, 10:50 am. Dont talk negatively about her father. You sometimes got what you needed but not what you expected in unpredictable moments that made no sense. It will also provide a model for her of living a rich adulthood, embracing passions and sharing passions them with the people you love (and showing interest in their passions!). I feel like this could have been written by my mom, to an extent. He. So, yes, encourage your daughter to take an interest what your husband likes. My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for three. I think my dad was guilty of that sometimes and he really regrets it. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. By keeping a few key things in mind, you can make headway in even the toughest situations. When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. You just have to learn to ignore that. Before the 12 year was born. I cried myself to sleep. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_16',128,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_17',128,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-1-multi-128{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}If your daughter is still young, she may not be ready to see you with anyone other than her biological father. 1. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. What to Do When Your Ex Undermines Your Authority There are many things I love about my husband. Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. Dream! When children become teenagers, they sometimes start to distance themselves from their parents. July 2, 2013, 10:32 am. And make it a good one. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? I had his favorite dinner prepared and all possible distractions blocked. It's as though he can't stop himself from being dictatorial, negative or critical, and all this has done is drive them away. He would watch Full House or something with us. You know what, I thought you were going to lay in hard when I first started reading, and I was thinking to myself Oh fuck, hes going to hit on all her worst innermost thoughts and shes just going to run screaming away from DW but frankly, I think you are completely right. BtVS not mature and intelligent? One other thought is that, maybe this really isnt about the daughter, but about her and her husband, she references herself a lot in this letter, and maybe she really has a problem with the way he treats her, but she just doesnt want to admit it. He may think that if she leaves the home then shell be safe from his alcoholism. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. He doesnt have to like Star Trek, but he can respectfully engage her when she talks about this topic. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. Another possible reason is that hes trying to save his daughter from being hurt, which is an admirable goal. Encourage her to have fun with him. Finally, try to create opportunities for one-on-one time between your husband and daughter. Is Your Partner Driving You Crazy? | Psychology Today lets_be_honest My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. It is as if some hidden combination of childhood trauma and life experience made them terrified to owe their partners anything. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. I think you should also look at your marriage, because in my observation, the us vs. them thing often stems from problems between the husband and wife, which drives one of them to try to make their child an ally, whether its just to have a friend or as a way to outnumber the other person. Usually, yes your car insurance coverage should extend to anyone else driving your car. Sounds to me like not only is dad not interested in or even bothering to take an interest in any of his daughters interests, but he also disparages them and her calling her uninformed, lacking initiative and uncompetitive and bitches because she isnt more like what he wants her to be like. I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table. Did I love that stuff? It is essential for a father to be involved in his daughters life and to show her love and attention. Something like that might be a good intersection of the father and daughters interests. So yes, foster her interests, but cultivate in her an ability to relate to other people and appreciate their interests too. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? And he is a loyal friend. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. Does Your Partner Drive You Nuts? The Passive Aggressive Personality My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. Our 17-year-old son is still at home but can't wait to leave to get away from the constant friction and ill-feeling around the house. Hes a good person, but our relationship as two adults is not a close one and at times feels forced on my end because I still dont know how to be myself around him. The LWs husband sounds like my father. Asking. But for practical advice: board games. Um, not so much. Heck yeah. I have to agree to me the dads attitude is the problem here. I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! It makes them feel safe. Your email address will not be published. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. The daughter goes hiking, but the father cant say anything nice when his daughter talks about her interests. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . I was so annoyed! Moreover, his interests could actually I dunno help make her a more well rounded person. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. And dont EVER talk negatively about one spouse to your children. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. I was an athlete and a complete girly girl (still am), so my dad got his sports buddy and princess in one child my sister was not into sports or girly things. I agree Dad needs to work on himself and his approach, but Mom definitely does too. Im also a 31-year-old fangirl so this might not just be a phase that shell grow out of, haha. lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. lets_be_honest There are a few things that you can do to resolve the conflict between your husband and daughter: if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_12',132,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',132,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-132{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}Its a question that many people ask themselves, and it does not have a clear answer. Its not his thing, and as an adult I respect that (now the two of us nerd out talking about law related stuff since I just got my J.D. Why Is My Husband Driving My Daughter Away (15 Reasons) He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. She's an active parent who enjoys indoor and outdoor adventures with her family. How to Cope When Your Spouse Is Driving You Crazy He needs to make some fundamental changes to his behaviour. As a result, she may start to rebel and act out, which can eventually drive her away from her family. The meaning of driving a car in a dream - WellBeing Magazine If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It - Scary Mommy What this may be in your husband's case is anyone's guess. The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. Additionally, she may worry that if she stays in an unhappy marriage like yours, it will damage her relationship with her future spouse. He is also very critical of both of US The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. He is an adult and should act like one- his daughter will model her behavior off of his and what she is learning now is why bother respecting those with different interests. I really think there might be a way for dad and daughter to meet in the middle here. Or find something neutral. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. A lot of painful disappointments in life. Plus he writes strong female characters, which is good for any girl growing up to identify with. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. She may not have attended every softball game, but she never missed a dance recital or play, and always made sure I had a clean uniform for those softball games and a snack to take with me. This year I took her to the Botanical Gardens not my first choice of activities, but it was a nice day and the gardens are pretty. What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com lets_be_honest I was/am (?) Same with the radio in the car I like country or musicals, he cant stand it, theres no way Id put that on. You became a drudge, in spite of him being a great guy and loving you madlybecause. Some article about historical events that are echoed in Firefly, for example, or some new technology that brings us one step closer to Star Trek, or the genuine history of witchcraft that was included in Harry Potter. We are extremely close and love doing the same things. When I was a kid, I shared a lot of interests with my mom, too, and not as many with my dad.